


Found Home

by Eluvian



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:47:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27316501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eluvian/pseuds/Eluvian
Summary: After the Battle of the Citadel Kaidan and Shepard stay together, happily, and though Kaidan has serious intentions, he also has doubts about what the future would hold.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Shepard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Found Home

Since the battle of the Citadel, they have been together.

They were a couple. Lovers. Kaidan did not know what name to give to all this. All he knew was that he liked it and found what he was looking for.

Back then, his father told him to go out there and find a girl who is good for him. It was after Rahna. His father had always been so optimistic. Comfort did not really heal a broken heart, but it helped.

There had been other girls, of course. Other women. But with them, it was not a real connection. He did not love them the way he loved Rahna, although he knew that the passion towards Rahna might not have been true either. Still. It felt like true love, and his later relationships didn't. Whatever they had was temporary at best, and he knew it at that time. Though it was hard to resist the opportunities, so sometimes he didn’t.

But with Jane Shepard it was different. At fist Kaidan thought it was the typical form of attraction he felt. Merely physical. He would watch the way she moved around in her uniform, the same one they all wore but on her figure it was easy to focus on certain things.

Physical attraction was easy to suppress though. But then they started talking. Then the caring voice gave answers to his long-hidden questions and her green eyes waited patiently for him and caressed his face whenever he struggled with words like a teenager.

Then they flirted, and they both knew it was meant to be more than that, that all they wanted was not merely physical satisfaction. They could have gotten that. It would also have been punishable and against the rules, but not as much as reality.

And reality was that his thoughts wandered much farther from having her body, for one night or two. He wished to have her for months, for years, having her in his _life_ maybe forever?

The question became an answer on that night before Ilos. He stumbled into her quarters, still afraid, still doubtful, hoping she would make it all go away. And she did.

Since that day, it has been frequent that Kaidan spent the night with her. And they were wonderful, just like the first one. Now they did not have to rush anywhere. There was time to experiment, there were so many ways the human body could give pleasure to another one, so many words a human soul could offer and even more ways with no words. Kaidan was afraid he would get addicted and after a while he would think it natural, all the favours she gave her. Her time, her feelings, her stories. She opened up to him in ways she hasn’t opened up to anyone since her family died on Mindoir. And Kaidan was happy to listen. Always.

Now he was alone in her room, as in the mornings the Commander usually woke up earlier than him. He did not know where she went, possibly just for a quick check, to see if the crew’s alright, if the ship is functioning normally. Her family. She thought of this place as her home and the people as her family.

Kaidan decided to go through his stuff. He brought a little package with himself, naturally his equipment was still at its usual place. He didn’t move in completely. They still had to give a little credit to the rules. Even though there was no way it was a secret that they were more than just a commander and her subordinate.

But nothing had happened. They broke those rules but it seemed that the fact that they saved the Citadel from a great alien threat mattered more. So people decided not to point it out. Kaidan had no idea what he would do if it had been a problem. Possibly he would have had to choose another ship. Or another profession.

He shook his head. Why was he even thinking about this?

Inside the package there were some books that were age old. He used to read them as a teen and it was a good question why he brought them along with himself to the Normandy. He imagined to feel positive when he looked at these remnants of his past, as well as the family photos. Kaidan thought whether he should ever show it to Shepard. What kind of image did she have in her mind of him? Did she think about what he was like as a kid?

Because he was thinking much about what _she_ was like as a kid.

Long, beautiful ginger hair touched by the wind on the fields of Mindoir.

She used to have longer hair, she’d told him.

They should talk more, he decided. It had only been a few weeks and there was still so much to discover.

A tiny object caught his attention. It was a small, polished metal box that he never opened, because he knew what was inside anyway. He did not feel the need to look at it, because it did not mean as much to him. Plus, he did not agree with the fact that it was in his possession.

But now he decided to look at it. It had been a while. He took off the box’s tiny lid, uncovering a shiny metal ring under it, placed on a dark blue pillow, only half of it visible, the other half sinking into the blue material.

It was the engagement ring his father gave to his mother. It was an alloy consisting of multiple types of metal, and once Kaidan had asked what those were, but he had forgotten since then. The ring had a silvery shine, and a pattern of intertwining lines along its surface. Infinity symbols. Kaidan didn’t know whether it symbolised the infinity of marriage or whether it was just for aesthetic, but he found it beautiful.

It was a family tradition of theirs that a son should take the father’s engagement ring and ask for his love’s hand with that ring. Kaidan thought this was archaic and useless. He’d told his father that, countless times, but the old man just wouldn’t listen. ‘Just take it’, he’d said. ‘From now on, you decide what to do with it.’

Kaidan’d thought there was no harm in it, hence the ring had been with him ever since. Ignored.

He rolled the ring around in his palm with his fingers, enjoying how cold and smooth it was. And the possibilities it held.

Would she think he was ridiculous? Was it too early to think about such things?

Because he was indeed thinking about that. His mind went on to envision the ring sliding onto her fingers, her surprised smile, maybe tears? Would she cry? No, she surely would not.

Or maybe she would.

Would she laugh?

Would she just frown and back away with uncertainty? Look at him with pity and then go on to explain why this was a stupid idea and they should stop? Maybe she would start to talk about their relationship being against the regulations. Or that she wasn’t certain of her emotions.

The image suddenly went dark and the fluffy happiness that flew around him shattered into bitter reality.

Reality? No, this wasn’t reality either. These were just his fears. He couldn’t decide which one of the outcomes was more likely.

He closed his fist angrily, trapping the small, innocent ring in his hand, and the ring hid in the crease of his palm. He suddenly had the impulse to throw it against something. Or just get rid of it, forever. But it would dishonour his father. And…

With a loud, artificial hiss the door slid open. His heart racing in his throat, Kaidan quickly hid the ring back into the box, putting both of his hands between his back, one of them containing the box.

_Damn._

Now he’d have to explain. Great.

Shepard walked in casually, in her usual uniform, her movements still carrying the official stiffness, but gradually changing into the lazy walk that so few people could have seen, Kaidan included.

She stopped, surprised by the sight of him blushing and obviously hiding something behind his back.

‘Hey’, she smiled, curiously raising an eyebrow. ‘What is that?’, she grinned, placing one hand on her hips and faking an accusing look.

‘Nothing.’ Was there any other reply he could have given?

‘Of course’, she nodded, giggling, too amused by his awkwardness, and walked closer.

‘No, really, please. It’s nothing.’ Kaidan sounded serious now. That made her stop. Up until this moment she was just playing.

‘Why do you have to hide it from me? I’m not used to you hiding things from me.’ It wasn’t an accusation, just an honest opinion.

‘I-I’m sorry. I’m not hiding… just… trust me.’

‘Will I laugh if I see it?’

Kaidan blinked. ‘I… have no idea. I hope not. Or I don’t. I don’t know.’

‘Now you made me really curious.’

Kaidan sighed in defeat, his shoulders shrinking, but his hands still behind his back.

‘You cannot see it _yet._ ’ This was the only way out that he saw.

Shepard raised one eyebrow, intrigued. A small smile spread on her face.

‘Yet? Now that’s better.’

_I hope so. Maybe._

‘So could you close your eyes for a second?’ Kaidan pleaded, feeling miserable.

Shepard sighed with amusement. ‘Sure.’ She closer her eyes, her eyebrows still risen, her gesture seemed to say "Are you happy now?". Kaidan's eyes lingered at the vision of her face like this for a while.

‘Actually, you should turn around.’

‘Oh, come on!’

But she complied, and Kaidan finally had the opportunity to sink the little box where to where it belonged. He put the package away then, next to the wall, far from the bed.

‘I swear, if you are just taking advantage of this to stare at me…’ she said in a low voice, making him smile. Her presence was a delight, making him forget the gloomy thoughts of a few minutes before.

‘What if I am?’

He attempted to reach out for her, grab her around the waist and pull her down onto the bed which he was sitting on, but she turned around before that, pushing onto his shoulder with both hands. She was over him. Again.

Kaidan was normally one who liked to take a lead in these situations, but with Shepard, it was difficult. Not that he minded.

She attacked him with a kiss, and his hands soon got lost in her hair. She laughed and smiled and touched him in a way that made him question his doubts.

Maybe he’d ask her indeed. Not now, not after this short time, but later. When they knew each other thoroughly, because this road lead to that. There was no question, she wanted this. It was in her moans, her eyes when he looked at him before kissing him goodnight. The way she snuggled close to him before she fell asleep. The way she apologized for pulling the blanket off him as she moved during the night. The way she comforted him when his migraines hit and he was useless for hours.

It was just a few weeks, but he hoped there would be more. Much more. Maybe he’ll ask. A little bit later. A few more months…

**Author's Note:**

> ...little did he know what would happen to these hopes five days later. (Yeah I am referring to the Collector attack.)  
> Naw, I promise they'll have a happy life after that too. After... a little struggle. Maybe not so little. But still.


End file.
